using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize