Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm getting married
To pizza
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize