It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
