so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
