He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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