He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
