Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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