You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
