Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
