I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
