omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
