My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
