I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, beer. Big fan.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
