Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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