Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
