Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
