Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
