Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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