i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
