his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
