He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
