His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
