how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
