check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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