...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
