dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
