Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
