You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
