she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let's get the cat blown out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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