so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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