you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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