i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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