I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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