next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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