Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
