Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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