I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
