I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So many bounce houses so little time
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
