Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
