sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
