1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
