I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
