atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
