I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
