I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Randomize
