the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
