Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
