perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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