If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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