Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
