I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Randomize
