I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
