I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize