I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
two words...techno handjob
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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