My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
