hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
