Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
