"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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