i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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