saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
