I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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