somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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