I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
