dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
