im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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