What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
