Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
