Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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