Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
