I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
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