I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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