WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
