Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
